Victim Resource Center of the Finger Lakes, Inc.
Just 4 "YOUth"
There are simple rules to keep you safe online. Speak to your parents regarding online safety. They will respect you for asking for their involvement in keeping you safe. For bullying or cyberbullying concerns see "Bullying" at this website.
Grooming or “Convincing You to Contact Him/Her”
Grooming online is a process whereby an adult with a sexual interest in children or young teens seeks to prepare or “groom” a child or teen for sexual abuse.
Does the person online:
- Present as a child or teen about your age or older?
- Start off as a friend, and then try to gain influence and control over your online relationship?
- Want you to watch a sexual act or send you sexual adult words or images and videos?
- Ask you personal sexual questions?
- Want to meet you in person, or know personal information about you such as where you live, go to school, your last name, sports you are involved in, the street you live on, neighborhood, businesses near your home or school, and gain “insider” information about you and your family, friends, etc.?
- Tell you they have been hurt by someone, have controlling parents that do not treat them like adults and don’t respect their privacy or decisions, try to identify with you by having similar experiences?
- Try to bribe you with “I will take you shopping and buy you something if we can meet?”
- Threaten you if you tell anyone, and that they will deny it and call you a liar?
- Tell you they will go to jail if you tell anyone?
- Send you a photograph of a good-looking boy or girl and tell you that this is a photograph of them?
- Tell you that they will stop communicating with you if you tell anyone?
- Tell you that this would really hurt your parents if they knew?
- Tell you things like, “Everybody does this.” “Your parents just want to control you.” “I would never treat you like this.” “I love and care for you.”?
- Seem very charming or helpful?
- Want to meet you in-person privately or in a parking lot, or some place without your family present?
These people are dangerous and you need to notify your parents or a trusted adult immediately to protect you and your family. Have them contact the police. These actions will protect you and others from being harmed.
|SEXUAL ASSAULT PREVENTION
See Sexual Assault at this website.
Alcohol is still the #1 date rape drug. You are 20x's more likely to be sexually assaulted if you are drinking alcohol. While males are drinking they are more likely to misinterpret a female's behavior such as smiling, laughter, etc., as permission for sex. Alcohol slows reflexes and can impair a persons ability to recognize a potentially dangerous situation. Alcohol impairs judgment and lowers inhibitions and your ability to make safe decisions. Alcohol is involved in over 50% of all sexual assaults.
Being sexually assaulted is never your fault. You are not the person who is in the wrong - it is the assailant who has committed the crime. However, there are things that you can do which may help to lower your risk of being assaulted.
- Set sexual limits and clearly communicate them to your partner
- Be assertive
- Listen to and trust your intuition and "gut feelings"
- Notice your own fears
- Be cautious in a new place - too much trust can be dangerous
- Consider paying your own way on dates
- Don't let someone into your home that you don't feel comfortable being assertive with
- Be very aware of your limits when drinking or using drugs
- Open your own drinks
- Don't share/exchange drinks with anyone
- Don't drink from a container that is being passed around
- Don't drink from a punch bowl or beer-bong
- Never leave your drink unattended
- Choose drinks that you are familiar with
- Don't drink anything that has an unusual taste or appearance
- Don't assume that your friends are looking out for you or can protect you from harm
- If you do drink or do drugs, do so in moderation
- Alcohol is still the #1 date rape drug
- See “Sexual Assault” on this website
| IF YOU ARE SEXUALLY ASSAULTED
Get to a safe place and call the police. Do not shower, bathe, douche, wash your hands, brush your teeth, or use the toilet. Don't change or destroy clothing. Don't straighten up. If you do, you may destroy important evidence. This ensures the best possible evidence collection. If you have already showered, etc., go to the hospital, they may need to treat you for any injury or sexually transmitted diseases, etc. Newark Wayne Community Hospital has a SANE program (Sexual Assault Nurse Examiner), you can call at (315) 332-2022. This program is a service provided to victims of sexual assault by specially trained registered nurses. Call the Victim Resource Center (VRC) at the VRC office, (315) 331-1171 for advocacy, short-term counseling, criminal justice support (if you decide to contact the police), and additional assistance.
|DATING VIOLENCE PREVENTION
Are you in a dangerous dating relationship? One in four teens reports they are in or were in a dating violence relationship. Red flag behaviors:
- He/She acts jealous and possessive
- Puts you down and puts down your ideas
- Won’t let you have friends
- Checks up on you
- Bosses you around
- Refuses to accept breaking up
- Insists on making all or most of the decisions
- Frightens or threatens you
- Owns, uses or talks a lot about weapons
- Acts violent, gets into fights or angers quickly
- Pushes, grabs, pinches or hits you
- Uses alcohol or other drugs and pressures you to use
- Pressures you for sex or gets serious about your relationship too fast
- Uses alcohol or drugs as an excuse for his/her behaviors
- Has been involved in a number of failed relationships
- Has no respect for your parents, for his/her parents, teachers
- Won’t take no as an answer for anything
|DANGEROUS DATING INDICATORS
- People who do not listen
- People who ignore your wishes or boundaries
- People who pressure you to do something you don't want to through guilt
- People who are overly jealous and possessive
- People who drink heavily or use drugs
- People that do not respect and do not see you as their equals
DATING BILL OF RIGHTS
||Ask for a date
||Refuse a date
||Refuse any activities, even if my date is excited about them
||Have my own feelings and be able to express them
||Say, "I think my friend is wrong and his actions are inappropriate"
||Tell someone not to interrupt me
||Have my limits and values respected
||Tell my partner when I need affection
||Refuse to lend money
||Refuse sex any time, for any reason
||Have friends and space aside from my partner
|I have the responsibility to:
||Determine my limits and values
||Respect the limits of others
||Communicate clearly and honestly
||Not violate the limits of others
||Ask for help when I need it
||Check my actions and decisions to determine whether they are good or bad for me
||Set high goals for myself
If you feel you are in danger, call 911, then go to a parent, school counselor, or trusted adult and request help. Call the Victim Resource Center at (315) 331-1171 x300, or if you need to speak with someone immediately, call the VRC hotline at (866) 343-8808 or (800) 456-1172 or you may
text message to 315-879-8200.